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Quarantine For the Average Overthinker by Liliana E. Guzmán

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A Spoken Word Poem

By: Liliana E. Guzmán

A domestic cow looking out a window in a farmhouse

Source: Envato Elements

Poet Liliana E. Guzmán shares a spoken word poem that reflects on her thoughts amidst stay at home orders.

Mom tells me quarantine is the perfect time for me
to learn to see me the way that she sees me:
as a young, beautiful woman with limitless potential
She tells me to, “Try something new.”
so that’s what did
I learned to turn my okay soufflé into good soufflé
and my need to feel included turned me onto makeup
But I quickly found myself disappointed
when my good soufflé didn’t turn into great soufflé
and the makeup didn’t turn into confidence
Reminding me that my bitterness does not come naturally
fighting off any last hope for the possibility of change in habits
entertaining the daydreams of who I’d rather be
Because for some reason social media has this tendency
to make everything feel like a competition
making it known that
my success is waiting for me on my front steps
but I just refuse to let it in
I’ve convinced myself that there’s nothing I can do
the world is ending,
this is the start of the apocalypse,
—that’s my excuse
Since recently “self-care” for me is getting out of bed
lying to myself trying to find any kind of reason
Sometimes it’s wringing my hands instead of biting my nails
telling myself that it will only add my ugliness
While other times it’s chaining my thoughts to a song before it’s too late
then refusing to turn it down
even though I swear I hear mom
downstairs calling my name
I don’t care
only because I’ve taught myself not to care
For right now,
that’s all I can do

Click here to read more of Liliana E. Guzmán’s work!

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Liliana E Guzmán

Liliana E. Guzmán is a teenage Mexican-American poet and rock journalist whose work has been previously in Unlost Journal, Moonchild Magazine, Scriturra Magazine, and Five2One, among others. And more recently, receiving publication in a Brazil-based punk zine, IWannaBeYrGrrrl. Before that, on the edge of sixteen, she was sent into the world of music journalism, where she began and is currently working as an interviewer and photographer for a heavy metal magazine called TheGauntlet. Her work can be found/and is regularly published under her pseudonym, Teddy, the English translation of a Spanish childhood nickname given to her by her mother. Liliana currently resides on Missouri's western edge in the country's heartland.

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