January 17, 2020
Breaking the Cycle by TiayraV
A red heart dazzling above pinched fingertipsSource: Adobe Stock
I thought about this for about a week or so. I wanted to share this because it is honestly mind-blowing. When I first heard it from my therapist, “I felt that.” Till the point, I was bawling my eyes out.
This post isn’t just for parents. This post is for people in general — my whole life, I have done something that has never been a good habit for me. Honestly, I don’t see it as a good habit for anyone.
Since I can remember, I tended to try and find validation of my self-worth in other people. That has to be one of the most heartbreaking habits I have.
It all started when I was young. I wasn’t getting the same attention as my other siblings, and I always felt like I was the outcast of my family.
Therefore, I would do things that weren’t the best decisions for me at the time to make. While I was young, I did a lot of dumb shit. Somethings I knew better but still did it.
The actions I chose were due to seeking attention.
At a young age, it’s essential to teach children how important they are, show them self worth and self-love in general.
At a young age, being the middle child, I would always feel like I would have to fight for attention or even for love from my parents.
As I got older, I would try and find that attention from people I date and friends. I would always do whatever made other people happy, despite the lack of my happiness or feelings. I would do this in hopes of feeling valued and important to other people.
Sometimes it worked, and if it did, it wouldn’t last long.
These actions can be anywhere from not saying no to people when they ask me to do something or going above and beyond for others. I’m still trying to find that validation of my self-worth. My mind would wonder if the person still likes me, if this person is still friends with me, etc…
I continuously always wonder and am afraid of how other people view me or how they feel about me. For some reason, their opinions matter. This habit is all because I still can’t find the value of my self-worth.
However, I’m learning to do so going forward. It took me 26 years to get to this point.
Am I 100 percent able to not worry about what others feel about me even if I say no? Not at all, but I’m working on it. That is all that matters.
It can take a lifetime for you to find who you are and learn all about yourself. I shouldn’t spend it by worrying about my value in others but only myself.
This habit was an eye-opener for me during my therapy session. It was one that took my breath away.
You are what matters the most to yourself. That is not selfish, it’s loving yourself. I love you all and take great care of YOU.
– Tiayra, a.k.a. Fucktional Introvert
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